Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I hate Kohls!

Today, I went short shopping. I went to Kohls, not because of their superior products, outstanding service, or amazing clothes, but I had twenty bucks in "Kohls Kash" burning a hole in my pocket. P.S. I think it's a fair assessment to make that Kohls gives me the creeps. Even just saying the name gives me the willies. Anyhow, like I said, I had this 'coupon,' (also a word that I hate.... As in, "Didja remember to clip all the coupons  from the monthly flyer hunny bunches?" Or, "Dammit! I forgot the coupon for this piece of shit I don't really need or want, but because I have a G.D. coupon, but I'm going to go ahead and get it b/c one day I might just need three bags of charcoal, even though I have a gas grill.") and it means two things. First, I remembered the dad blamed thing, and second, it means free stuff, which I'm all about, and happens to outrank my dislike of the aforementioned store. I know, I know, it's hard to make such a stand against the man when they keep giving me free stuff. So, I'm a bigot and I know it.

Getting back to my point, which is/was shopping for a stupid pair of shorts that I was hoping to get for free, vis a vis the stupid "Kohls Kash..." Alrighty then, so as is my a.d.h.d., and slightly moronic way, I roam around looking for anything that resembles bottoms, preferably not in the men's dept. I find a pair of shorts that I think are kinda cute, and well, that must be the style these days, but what the heck to I know... When I look around, and to my dismay find at least three women ranging in age from 49 through about 87 years old also picking out 'cute' shorts to wear. Aghast I fled the official 'Old Lady Dept.' with shame in my eyes, and heaviness of heart. Here's why... How could I, a reasonably young women, closer to 25 than to 30, (ok, fine, 27,) find shorts in a dept. that I have NO business being in? Am I, who was once yesterday wearing booty shorts, a skimpy top, calling it good, and letting it all hang out becoming frumpy? What in the hell is wrong with me??? Is this what happens when a girl becomes a woman, and makes the sad, but inevitable transfer to 'old?' *GASP* Am I becoming o-l-d? (One must spell these things in order to prevent them from being true) What could've possibly attracted me to such a truly hideous garment?

There seems to be very few choices at hand. Either I accept that I'm no longer a semi-perma-tanned teenage with self esteem issues, or accept myself for who I am. To be honest, I'm not really digging either of these. I think my only option is to never, ever, go shopping for myself at Kohls. Note to self: Do not even entertain the notion that you could find clothes that make you look hot there. You have been trying to do so for a while, and the best solution is to not pretend any longer that you are going to find something amazing there. It just ain't gonna happen. Get over it girlfriend, just go to TJMaxx, or Nordtrom's Rack, and get some real style.

On a completely different tack I did find cool jeans and some decent tees, and saved some 75 odd dollars. Too bad they were for my fiance.

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